


flavor packets

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [15]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Multi, and the rest of the hamilkids!!, i'm gonna get to those prompts soon i swear, meet kevin the secret service guy, this is the most self indulgent thing i have written to date, why do i make these so plot heavy ugh ANYWAY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: olderandbolder: HEY HEY HEY MOTHERFUCKERSanglerfish: It is too early in the morning for you to be this loudTheo_Away: Caps lock doesnt count as being loud, AngieTheo_Away: Oh wait nevermind I hear his yelling nowOr, the kids come to New York





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- so, i actually made this  
> \- this makes literally zero sense if you havent read the rest of the series btw  
> \- self control??? dont know her  
> \- anyway enjoy this one while it lasts cause the next one (next fic not next chapter) is o h boy  
> \- this is almost more hectic than the one where they go to that political dinner thing jfc  
> \- pls dont hate me for dropping an Oc in this hahahahahaa  
> \- enjoy

  **turtlens:** do i have permission to fuckign die

**saynotome:** no

**turtlens:** sakldjaklsdjk

**A.Ham:** whats troubling u

**turtlens:** i hate being a lawyer so much

**saynotome:** i know, i'm sorry john

**turtlens:** UGH

**A.Ham:** i kno what can cheer you up

 

_A.Ham has sent a video_

 

**turtlens:** !!!!!!!!!!

**saynotome:** those turtles are adorable omg

**turtlens:** my day is 100x better thank u babe

**A.Ham:** yaay

**saynotome:** what happened

**A.Ham:** what

**saynotome:** you're in a mood

**A.Ham:** how can you possibly know that through text

**saynotome:** alexander

**A.Ham:** ugh

**A.Ham:** i miss the kids

**saynotome:** s a m e

**turtlens:** aw

**A.Ham:** like nyc is super fun, but i just wanna hug all of them dammit

**A.Ham:**  eliza misses them a lot too

**A.Ham:** aaah im just being emotional

* * *

**turtlens:** AY (itsLIT) RON

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Please don't call me that

**turtlens:** that is literally your screename

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Not by choice and you know it

**turtlens:** CAN WE TELL THEM THE KIDS ARE VISITING

**AyItsLIT-ron:** No

**turtlens:** but buuuuuuuurr

**AyItsLIT-ron:** I thought you wanted this to be a surprise

**turtlens:** yea but theyre all so s a d

**AyItsLIT-ron:** They'll be here tomorrow, just hold on a little longer

**turtlens:** f i n e

**turtlens:** im excited tbh

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Me too, I miss Theo

**turtlens:** sOON, AY AY RON

**turtlens:** lets just hope the kids dont blow up the airport or anything

**AyItsLIT-ron:** I'd laugh but that is a legitimate concern, considering 4/6 of them are Alexander's offspring

**turtlens:** naaah theyll be fine

**turtlens:** also u rlly couldnt simplify 4/6 into two thirds?

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Leave me alone

**turtlens:** w o w

**turtlens:** rude

* * *

**olderandbolder:** HEY HEY HEY MOTHERFUCKERS

**anglerfish:** It is too early in the morning for you to be this loud

**Theo_Away:** Caps lock doesnt count as being loud, Angie

**Theo_Away:** Oh wait nevermind I hear his yelling now

**ALilJunior:** can someone deal w/ james, hes being pissy about being the only one without a phone again

**olderandbolder:** tell him to shove it

**anglerfish:** Don't tell him to shove it

**ALilJunior:** too late

**ALilJunior:** HE PUNCHED ME

**olderandbolder:** punch him back

**anglerfish:** Don't punch him back

**ALilJunior:** too late

**Theo_Away:** Can all of you just, please cooperate today? My mom is going to like, die if you don't get it together

**anglerfish:** That's easy for u to say, youre the oldest

**olderandbolder:** actually im a whole year older than theo

**anglerfish:** Uh huh yeah anyway

**Theo_Away:** Who's gonna wake up susan

**ALilJunior:** dibs

**Theo_Away:** Since when did waking her up become a fun enough activity to call dibs on?

**olderandbolder:** he and james are making it a competition, apparently

**anglerfish:** Wow, kids, am i right?

**olderandbolder:** youre /winning/

**anglerfish:** Stop exposing me, PIP

**Theo_Away:** Oh my god hahaha

**SusanSapien:** hheeloo

**olderandbolder:** pls use autocorrect we cant understand ur language

**Theo_Away:** Also we have to be out of the house in 15

**SusanSapien:** imm jsut tired

**ALilJunior:** ANOTHER POINT FOR JUNIOR

**Theo_Away:** You're all packed, right?

**anglerfish:** Yep

**ALilJunior:** me an james both

**SusanSapien:** yea

**olderandbolder:** sure

**Theo_Away:** I don't trust you

**olderandbolder:** thats homophobic

**anglerfish:** What

**Theo_Away:** Philip, you're not even gay

**olderandbolder:** I COULD BE

**Theo_Away:** Are you?

**olderandbolder:** no

**olderandbolder:** but still

**ALilJunior:** what is happening

**anglerfish:** Nothing, just get ready

**olderandbolder:** also that couldve been homophobic towards ANGIE ya HOMOPHOBE

**anglerfish:** Oh my god stop

**Theo_Away:** I wasn't even calling her out

**olderandbolder:** GOOD

**olderandbolder:** STAY IN YOUR LANE

**Theo_Away:** So are you or aren't you packed?

**olderandbolder:** i wasnt, but i finished packing rn

**olderandbolder:** because i am responsible (tm)

**Theo_Away:** Whatever

**SusanSapien:** OKAY IM FULLY AWAKE WHAT DID I MISS

**olderandbolder:** im the coolest

**SusanSapien:** hahaha okay seriously

**ALilJunior:** #rekt

**olderandbolder:** junior stop using hashtags in text its lame

**anglerfish:** CAN WE LEAVE

**Theo_Away:** Please

* * *

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Burrowski

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes, sir?

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Progress report, please

**Kevin.Bski:** All six are at the airport and have arrived safely, sir

**Kevin.Bski:** We are waiting in the F3 gate

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Good

**Kevin.Bski:** i lov memes

**AyItsLIT-ron:** ... What?

**Kevin.Bski:** i live for the memes, i live for them man

**Kevin.Bski:** and did u kno i have a ramen addiction

**Kevin.Bski:** as our founding fathers said

**Kevin.Bski:** Life, liberty, and the pursuit of dank ramenskjahdkjdhsa

**Kevin.Bski:** Sir

**Kevin.Bski:** I am deeply sorry for that confusion

**Kevin.Bski:** One of the children took my phone

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Let me guess- the youngest Hamilton?

**Kevin.Bski:** The oldest

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Makes sense

**Kevin.Bski:** Am I fired

**AyItsLIT-ron:** No Burrowski, you're not fired

**Kevin.Bski:** Thank you, sirrrrzasd

**Kevin.Bski:** I crave ramen noodles

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Philip, give the poor man back his phone

**Kevin.Bski:** oh uh this is actually angie

**Kevin.Bski:** we're taking turns oldest to youngest haha so

**AyItsLIT-ron:** The second oldest is Theo, not Angie

**Kevin.Bski:** ...

**Kevin.Bski:** Hi dad

**Kevin.Bski:** I was hoping you'd forget that minor detail

**AyItsLIT-ron:** I thought you were the responsible one

**Kevin.Bski:** your screename is literally "AyItsLIT-ron"don't talk responsible to me

**AyItsLIT-ron:** That's Hamilton's fault

**Kevin.Bski:** Lost a bet huh

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Give the man his phone back please

**Kevin.Bski:** Kay

**Kevin.Bski:** Can't wait to see you, dad!

**Kevin.Bski:** Plus I'm sure mom could use a break from the Hamilton madness

**AyItsLIT-ron:** That is true haha

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Have a safe flight, dear!

**Kevin.Bski:**  We are boarding now sir

**Kevin.Bski:** And my phone is back in my possession

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Should I be concerned that children can steal your belongings so easily?

**Kevin.Bski:** To be fair sir, they've literally grown up with the secret service

**AyItsLIT-ron:** Ah, I forget that sometimes

* * *

**olderandbolder:** WE HAVE LANDED

**anglerfish:** Thanks for telling us, we hadn't noticed

**olderandbolder:**  wow you are so funny angie

**olderandbolder:**  uuuugh im hungry

**SusanSapien:** you had like, 30 peanut packets

**SusanSapien:** you flirted with the flight attendant to get more

**anglerfish:** Wow pip, youre easy

**olderandbolder:** JUNIOR ATE THEM ALL

**SusanSapien:** hell yeah i did #dealwithit

**anglerfish:** Stop

**olderandbolder:** oh wait i know

 

_olderandbolder has added Kevin.Bski to the chat_

 

**olderandbolder:** hey dude can we have pretzels before meeting up with our birthgivers

**SusanSapien:**  ew dont call them that

**SusanSapien:** but actually yeah im also hungry

**Kevin.Bski:** How... did you get my number?

**olderandbolder:**  i have my ways

**ALilJunior:** all this talk about food made me hungry too so

**anglerfish:** What about all the peanuts u ate?

**SusanSapien:** dont bodyshame him

**Kevin.Bski:** You all need to stop texting, the plane hasn't fully stopped yet

**olderandbolder:** the plane is on the ground, dude

**ALilJunior:**  AND UR TEXTING TOO #NOOB

**ALilJunior:** oh also james is "literally freaking starving", end quote

**Kevin.Bski:** It would be safer to take you home directly

**Kevin.Bski:** And besides, you'll be fed there

**anglerfish:** Weeeeeeeell

**anglerfish:** We're catching mom by surprise

**anglerfish:** And dad will either be at work or be useless bc he cant cook

**SusanSapien:** my mom can only make microwave pizza

**olderandbolder:** aaaaaaand if i run away to get food you'll be in more trouble

**Kevin.Bski:** You wouldn't dare

**olderandbolder:** i would

**Kevin.Bski:** I work in the secret service- escaping wouldn't be that easy

**olderandbolder:** kevin

**olderandbolder:** oh, kevin kevin kevin

**olderandbolder:** i didnt think you were so foolish

**anglerfish:** Stop being a dick dude

**anglerfish:** Also, never repeat that word to our parents, junior

**ALilJunior:** its not like i dont kno what dicks are angie. im twelve.

**olderandbolder:** @Kevin.Bski just give us airport food and drop us off, its better this way

**SusanSapien:** i cant believe ur blackmailing the secret service

**Kevin.Bski:** Guys, I'm not the entirety of the Secret Service

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm just one guy in the Secret Service

**anglerfish:** Yeah, but you're the one they mainly assign to babysit us

**ALilJunior:** lol tru

**Kevin.Bski:** True but unecessary

**olderandbolder:** whaddya say kev

**olderandbolder:** u up for a snack or what

**Kevin.Bski:** After we pick our luggage we can stop by an Auntie Anne's, sure

**olderandbolder:** score

**ALilJunior:** winning!

**anglerfish:** Wow i can't believe u actually gave in, Burrowski

**SusanSapien:** i can't believe u take the time to type out his name

**anglerfish:** What, it's a cool name!

**Kevin.Bski:** Thank you

**olderandbolder:** yea susie dont be salty u got stuck with a basic ass name

**olderandbolder:** Susan Lewis

**SusanSapien:** this is bullying

**Theo_Away:** I can't believe you guys were texting when the plane hadn't properly stopped

**olderandbolder:** it's literally already on the ground

**Theo_Away:** I'm not gonna bother to read through this entire thing so, highlights?

**ALilJunior:**  PRETZELS

**Theo_Away:** Elaborate

**ALilJunior:** WE'RE GETTING PRETZELS CAUSE PIP BLACKMAILED KEVIN

**Theo_Away:** Oh cool

**Kevin.Bski:** Just please don't steal my phone again

**SusanSapien:** we would never

**olderandbolder:** how DARE you imPLY

**anglerfish:** We arE INNOCENT CHILDREN

**Kevin.Bski:** Lol

**ALilJunior:** you guys are such trolls haha

**olderandbolder:** literally stop

**olderandbolder:** what are you, 12?

**ALilJunior:** that is literally my age

**olderandbolder:** oh right i forgot lol

**ALilJunior:** feelin the love, bro

**ALilJunior:** see this is why james is my favorite

**olderandbolder**  RUDE

**Theo_Away**  Get off your phones and pay attention before we get lost in the airport, idiots

* * *

**turtlens:** Alexxxxx

**A.Ham:** you only write my name like that when you need me to do something john

**turtlens:**  canyoupicksomeoneupformeattheairport

**A.Ham:** whyyyy

**turtlens:** i got booked with a last minute case but i need this person to not be ditched at the airport

**A.Ham:** you are the worst

**turtlens:** you love me

**A.Ham:** same difference

**A.Ham:** fiiine, i'll have ruben come with me

**turtlens:** uuuuuuuh

**turtlens:** id advise against that

**A.Ham:** why?

**turtlens:** doppelgangers are confusing

**A.Ham:** ah shit right i forgot

**A.Ham:** u owe me btw

**turtlens:** sure thing

**turtlens:**.... u there yet

**A.Ham:** almost jeez calm down

**turtlens:**  i just need to make sure they get there safe

**A.Ham:** who am i picking up btw?

**A.Ham:** jooohn

**A.Ham:** wait ur srsly not answering wh

**A.Ham:** LAURENS

**turtlens:** DID YOU SEE THEM YET

**A.Ham:** SEE W H O

**turtlens:** YOU'LL KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT

**A.Ham:** THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

**turtlens:** TRUST

**A.Ham:** im??? fuck this im getting food

**turtlens:** NONONO!!!

**A.Ham:** IM HUNG R Y

**A.Ham:** AND IT'S FOOD INSIDE THE AIRPORT CALM DOWN

**turtlens:** oh ok cool

**A.Ham:** why is the line for everything so long

**turtlens:** capitalism

**A.Ham:** that has literally nothing to do with my question

**A.Ham:** oh wtf it's kevin

**A.Ham:** he's in line at an auntie annes at the airport for..... some reason

**turtlens:** iiiiis he alooooone??????

**A.Ham:** well he's in line

**A.Ham:** wait

**A.Ham:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**turtlens:** YOU SEE THEM

**A.Ham:** I SEE THEM

**A.Ham:** maKIGN MY WWAY THROUGH HTE CRO W D

**A.Ham:** IM GOIGN AS FFAST AS I C A N

**A.Ham:** HTERES SO MANY PEOPLE

**A.Ham:** FUCKIGN CAPITALISM

**turtlens:** i believe in you

**turtlens:** send pictures!

* * *

 

_A.Ham has sent a photo_

 

**turtlens:** NOT TO THE GROUP CHAT

**turtlens:** IT SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE

**turtlens:** NOOOO

**turtlens:** BUT YOU ALL LOOK VERY CUTE

**bestofliza:**  MY BABIES

**saynotome:** AAAAAAAAAAAH

**bestofliza:** KASJDL BRING THEM HOME YOU WALNUT I WANT TO HUG THEM

**saynotome:** DITTO

**A.Ham:** OMW

**turtlens:** y'all are welcome (burr helped)

**A.Ham:**  THANK U JOHN

**saynotome:** THANK U JOHN

**bestofliza:** BLESS YOUR SOUL FOR ALL ETERNITIES JOHNATHAN

**turtlens:** and we thought alex was the extra one

* * *

 

_A.Ham has sent a picture_

 

**A.Ham:** THESE ARE MY CHILDREN I LOV THEM SO MUCH LOOK AT THEM AND ADMIRE THEIR BEAUTY

**ruBen10:** Hey look it's the brady brunch

**A.Ham:** WE'RE NOT THE FUCKING BRADY BRUNCH

**ruBen10:** Hahahaha

**ruBen10:** Okay but that's actually adorable

**A.Ham:** KEVIN TOOK THE PHOTO

**commonavi:** is that the guy that killed my empanada that one time

**A.Ham:** dude that was literally so long ago let it go

**A.Ham:** but yes

**commonavi:** anyway your family is so cute!! say hi to them from us!

**A.Ham:** oh

**A.Ham:** about that

**ruBen10:** Lemme guess

**ruBen10:** You haven't given them the talk

**A.Ham:** WHAT

**ruBen10:** The doppelganger talk?

**A.Ham:** oh yeah i havent gotten around to that

**commonavi:** bro

**A.Ham:** HEY DONT JUDGE ME

**A.Ham:** they LITERALLY werent here

**A.Ham:** and work has been insane

**A.Ham:** plus, its a weird topic to broach

**ruBen10:** Nah it's okay Alex we get it, it's literally your kids

**commonavi:** yeah we weren't judging you!

**A.Ham:** wait really

**commonavi:** is that so surprising?

**A.Ham:** i think thats the first time you dont condescend a choice of mine

**ruBen10:** Are we that bad

**A.Ham:** to be fair i am also that bad

**ruBen10:** Whoops

**ruBen10:** Yeah just get around to it eventually

**commonavi:** to avoid any confusions and things

**A.Ham:** ye dw abt it

**commonavi:** i literally have no idea what that sentence says

* * *

**olderandbolder:** NYC IS THE GREATEST CITY IN THE W O R L D

**SusanSapien:** okay the pretzels were good but not that good can ya chill out

**olderandbolder:** i was talking about the heartwarming reunion we just had with our parents SUSAN

**SusanSapien:** oh yea that part was gr8

**ALilJunior:** but also those pretzels

**anglerfish:** Yeah damn

**anglerfish:** Good call, Pip

**olderandbolder:** i am a man of the people

**SusanSapien:** @Kevin.Bski thx for the food

**Kevin.Bski:** I didn't really have a choice did I

**Kevin.Bski:** Regardless, you're welcome

**olderandbolder:** oh ya i forgot u were still here lol

**Kevin.Bski:** You added me

**Theo_Away:** Philip doesn't pay much attention to detail

**olderandbolder:**  @Theo_Away u wanna fucking GO

**Theo_Away:** I could mess you up bad, Hamilton

**Kevin.Bski:** Please don't actually fight each other

**Theo_Away:** It's okay, I actually have some restraint

**Theo_Away:** Also we're in different houses, Kevin

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh right I forgot about that

**anglerfish:** To be fair, pip is capable of sneaking out to get in a fight

**olderandbolder:** not true, i wouldnt sneak out

**olderandbolder:** u kno that dad would 100% support me

**Kevin.Bski:** Your father is the Secretary of Treasury of the United States of America, I'm sure that's not true

**olderandbolder:** have u met my dad dude

**anglerfish:** Obviously, he just has to say that because it's his job lmao

**SusanSapien:** be honest kev!! it's not like the NSA is tracking our convo or anything, right?

**Kevin.Bski:** Are you purposefully baiting me to get me to answer so you know if the conspiracy is true?

**SusanSapien:** the truth is out there

**Kevin.Bski:** Thoughts on the illuminati?

**SusanSapien:** real and working on something big. area 51?

**Kevin.Bski:** Classified

**SusanSapien:** HOLY SHIT WHAT

**anglerfish:** What wait rlly?

**Kevin.Bski:**  Haha no just kidding, it's a lot of desert

**Kevin.Bski:** Or is it?

**SusanSapien:** THIS IS GOING ON MY BLOG

**Kevin.Bski:** Actually please don't screenshot this

**SusanSapien:** if the NSA can then i can, bitch

**ALilJunior:**  why are mom and dad yelling?

**anglerfish:** I'm really just tryin to ignore it

**olderandbolder:** i mean the four of them rarely fight

**Kevin.Bski:** Um, four of them?

**SusanSapien:** ooooh shit u dont kno

**Kevin.Bski:** This is actually none of my business

**Theo_Away:**  What is happening?

**SusanSapien:** SHIT THEO DOESNT KNO EITHER

**anglerfish:** @olderandbolder you proud of yourself yet

**olderandbolder:** shiiiiiiit

**olderandbolder:** you guys cant tell ANYONE

**olderandbolder:** and i FUCKING MEAN IT

**olderandbolder:** i do not care that you are in the secret service kevin

**olderandbolder:** and i do not care that you would probably beat me theo

**olderandbolder:** you tell NO ONE

**Theo_Away:** So you admit that I'd kick your ass

**ALilJunior:** LOL

**olderandbolder:** ur more brawn than brains

**Theo_Away:** I have all A+s but whatever, shoot

**anglerfish:** Soooo

**anglerfish:** Have you guys heard of polyamory?

* * *

**Theo_Away:** Wow

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh okay

**anglerfish:** Thoughts?? questions??

**Theo_Away:** Not really

**olderandbolder:** wow u are literally just like ur dad

**Theo_Away:** Well your dad literally has a wife, a boyfriend and a mistress

**SusanSapien:** fucking excuse you, she's his girlfriend

**anglerfish:** And also mom's girlfriend

**olderandbolder:** AND ALSO you forgot the oxford comma

**Theo_Away:** Oh my god shut up pip

**Theo_Away:** But I'm open minded so, if they're all cool with it, then cool

**olderandbolder:** you kno what's cooler than being cool

**anglerfish:** Stop

**olderandbolder:** ICE COOOOOLD

**ALilJunior:** alright alright alright

**anglerfish:** I hate u both

**SusanSapien:** kev? any thoughts?

**Kevin.Bski:** You all seem to forget that this is technically my boss

**Kevin.Bski:** But yeah, I knew what polyamory was anyway

**Kevin.Bski:**  If it's all consenting, it's all good

**olderandbolder:**  you knew what polyamory is?

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes

**olderandbolder:** how?

**Kevin.Bski:** You see, usually people tend to retain information they've learned within their brains, which then allows them to have knowledge of that subject for future reference.

**olderandbolder:** okay mr. sarcasm moving on

**olderandbolder:** what were we even talking about before this?

**anglerfish:** mom and dad were fighting

**ALilJunior:** yeah and we dont know what about

**SusanSapien:** does it really count as a fight?? i mean, i didnt hear anyone throw or break anything

**Kevin.Bski:** That doesn't have to happen for it to be a fight

**SusanSapien:** oh

**olderandbolder:** anyway

**olderandbolder:** it's probably something dumb and adult like taxes

**anglerfish:** dad would flip if he heard you calling taxes dumb

**ALilJunior:** pay your fucking taxes

**olderandbolder:** pay ur fucking taxes

**anglerfish:** PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES

**Theo_Away:** pay your fucking t a x e s

**Kevin.Bski:** What is happening

**ALilJunior:** OH CAN I TELL HIM THE STORY

**anglerfish:** Yeah sure lol

**ALilJunior:** so one time like a year ago we were at this like, really fancy family dinner

**Theo_Away:** Me and dad were invited too btw

**ALilJunior:** I'M TELLING THE STORY, THEODOSIA

**Theo_Away:** Jeez

**ALilJunior:** but yeah the Burr's were there

**ALilJunior:** and bc of that the dinner was rlly serious and boring and whatever

**Theo_Away:** Rude but sounds about right

**ALilJunior:** and then dad and burr got in a duel, like always

**Kevin.Bski:** A duel??

**ALilJunior:** like, a debate, but theyre being really shady and salty and basically just trying to roast each other

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh okay, proceed

**ALilJunior:** and because dad works in the treasury hes all about the american financial system

**anglerfish:** He never shuts up about it, more like

**ALilJunior:** and he got really frustrated in the duel

**ALilJunior:** which is hilarious bc burr never loses his neutral bitchface

**ALilJunior:** but dad got so mad he yelled "YOU HAVE TO PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES, BURR"

**olderandbolder:** keep in mind that this is a fancy, family dinner in the white house

**olderandbolder:** and the president was joining us as well

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh my god

**anglerfish:** So yeah that's the origin of that meme

**Kevin.Bski:** In front of the president??

**olderandbolder:** yeah Washington laughed his ass off

**SusanSapien:** i think he was a bit drunk

**SusanSapien:** cause usually he'll like, sigh and shake his head slightly

**Theo_Away:** The legendary head shake, rivalled only by "alexANDER"

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay I have to ask

**anglerfish:** that's just how gwash always says dad's name when dad does something

**anglerfish:** it's either "alexANDER" or "hamILTON"

**Kevin.Bski:** That IS how he actually says his name oh my god

**Kevin.Bski:** I can never un-hear it

**Kevin.Bski:** Also I can't believe you call the president "gwash"

**olderandbolder:** it's a family thing


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin.Bski: What do you guys wanna do?  
> ALilJunior: me and james really just wanna stay inside and play video games so as long as there's power we're good  
> anglerfish: Are u gonna play minecraft lmao  
> ALilJunior: SHUT UP IT'S A GOOD GAME
> 
> Or, the kids hang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- there was positive response to the last chapter holy shit  
> \- im glad you all seem to like kevin cause i LOVE HIM he's a neat guy  
> \- and i gave him a character arc for some reason  
> \- also realized i mis-counted the chapters WHOOPS  
> \- get ready for children's shenanigans

**commonavi:** yo ruben, i've been meaning to ask

**commonavi:** how are you giving classes if it's still summer??

**ruBen10:** Well, there ARE summer classes

**ruBen10:** That's why work has been pretty chill

**ruBen10:** And it gives me a chance to get in the groove of things before classes start again

**commonavi:** oh cool, nice that you ease into it

**A.Ham:** ugh

**ruBen10:** Hello to you too, Alex

**A.Ham:** not in the mood

**A.Ham:** me and eliza had a fight

**ruBen10:** Oh shit

**commonavi:** madres, that sucks

**commonavi:** wanna talk about it?

**A.Ham:** eeeeh not really

**A.Ham:** but i feel i have to

**ruBen10:** If you're uncomfortable with it you don't have to, you know

**A.Ham:** no it's not like that

**A.Ham:** i mean like, this is an issue that we have to discuss

**commonavi:** okay, shoot

**A.Ham:** so the kids are back, and once they were all settled in i made a joke about how to tell the kids about you guys cause, u kno, doppelgangers

**A.Ham:** and then she goes and like

**A.Ham:** ugh

**A.Ham:** she didnt go ugh that was just me being dramatic

**A.Ham:** anyway

**A.Ham:** she basically said that maybe i shouldnt even mention it cause it wouldnt make a difference in the end

**A.Ham:** and i was like ??? what do u mean

**A.Ham:** and she reminded me that we dont live in nyc, and that we're gonna go back to dc eventually

**A.Ham:** so i shouldnt bother explaining some weird complicated thing to the kids if i wasnt even gonna talk to you guys once i left

**A.Ham:** so i got mad and she got mad and bleh

**commonavi:** oh

**ruBen10:** Oh

**A.Ham:** yeah

**A.Ham:** i told her that i wasnt gonna be like, ghost on u guys or anything, but sometimes ppl drift apart and the though of that is rlly scaring me right now so uh

**A.Ham:** like, what if we end up not being close at all?

**A.Ham:** or i mean, i wont be because i'll move but you guys are together and all

**A.Ham:** idk im

**A.Ham:** afraid im gonna lose you guys

**A.Ham:** w o w that sounds way too cheesy when written out

**commonavi:** well i mean alex, i dont think us drifting apart is gonna be a likely thing, personally?? it might be the norm for people but hey, no somos muy normales

**commonavi:** i asked ruben to move in after like, a month of knowing him

**commonavi:** and went out to central park at like 2 am to give you a hug

**commonavi:** bueno i'd do that for all of my friends but still

**ruBen10:** Usnavi has a point

**ruBen10:** Besides, 80% of our interactions are through text anyway

**ruBen10:** Look at this fucking chat, it's packed

**ruBen10:** Like, no one besides us three could endure it

**ruBen10:** I think we'll be okay, dude

**A.Ham:** i hope so

**A.Ham:** thanks guys

**A.Ham:** i love your asses so much

**ruBen10:** Well, I do have a very nice butt

**A.Ham:** lmao

**commonavi:** hey guys

**commonavi:** do you ever stop to think that all of our butts are also identical

**A.Ham:** iM WHEEZIBGN

**ruBen10:** USNAVI O HM,Y G O D

**commonavi:** butt triplets

**ruBen10:** JESZSUS FUCKING CRHIST I CNAT BREAH E

**A.Ham:** hjKHG

**A.Ham:** my butt soulmates

**ruBen10:** SrTO PPP HABAHAHAHA

**ruBen10:** Oooooh my god you guys are idiots

 

_commonavi has changed the group chat name to "butt-elgangers"_

 

**A.Ham:** amazing

**ruBen10:**  Also Alex, back in your little spiel you said "you guys are together and all" but we're actually just living together so uh yeah

**A.Ham:** same difference

**ruBen10:** That implies that we're dating, which we are not

**A.Ham:** lol

**ruBen10:** I'm SERIOUS

**A.Ham:** hey i have multiple s/o's, i dont judge

**commonavi:** thanks dude!

**ruBen10:** N o t  h e l p i n g

* * *

**bestofliza:** Morning sweetie

**saynotome:** elizabeth

**bestofliza:** Oh no

**bestofliza:** You only call me that when i'm in trouble

**saynotome:** our kids are visiting and first night in you get in a fight with alex??

**saynotome:** you couldnt wait a weekend??

**bestofliza:** Why are you assuming this is MY fault?

**saynotome:** oh no i thought it was totally alex don't get me wrong

**saynotome:** but we talked and while i still need to hear the side of your story, i think the blame is more even rather than "it's alex"

**bestofliza:** Well ok then

**bestofliza:** So alex mentioned that he was gonna explain the three alex situation to the kids, and i said that he didnt necessarily have to, since it's not like it would be a big deal once we got back to d.c. since they wouldnt really hang out, and he got really mad for some reason, and then fight

**saynotome:** hmmmmm

**saynotome:** i'm deliberating

**bestofliza:** and?

**saynotome:** okay so he shouldnt have gotten mad so quickly

**saynotome:** but im not gonna lie, you were a bit insensitive??

**saynotome:** i know you only meant well but saying "its not like youre gonna be friends for long" isnt very nice

**bestofliza:** That's not what i said!!

**saynotome:** no, you said that their friendship wasnt worth mentioning because they wouldnt be friends by the time alex moved back

**saynotome:** which is kind of just as bad

**bestofliza:** You know that alex is busy as hell with his job, long distance friendships are gonna be the last thing on his mind

**bestofliza:** And he'll just confuse the kids!

**saynotome:** dude. literally all of his friends are long distance

**saynotome:** the only exceptions are burr, gwash, and us

**saynotome:** burr doesnt count, gwash is the president, and we're dating him

**bestofliza:** ... okay you actually have a point

**saynotome:** also, you're not giving the kids enough credit

**saynotome:** if they aren't confused by the four of us, they can handle doppelgangers

**saynotome:** they already know jefferson and laf

**bestofliza:** Agh you're right

**bestofliza:** Im an idiot

**saynotome:** youre not an idiot, youre just looking out for the kids and alex

**saynotome:** we all goof like that sometimes

**bestofliza:** Thanks honey

**bestofliza:** I know how much you hate "moderating" but i really appreciate it  <3

**saynotome:** <3<3

**saynotome:** now go smooch alex

**saynotome:** and tell him he also has to manage his temper, this couldve been avoided with proper communication on his side

**bestofliza:** Will do!

**bestofliza:** Oh! are we taking the kids anywhere fun today? after the fight me and alex didnt have time to organize anything

**saynotome:** hold on lets hop on the main

* * *

**bestofliza:** What is today's plan? aaaah im so excited to hang out with the kids!

**turtlens:** hahaha about that

**A.Ham:** john's an idiot

**saynotome:** what happened??

**turtlens:** so i may have accidentally scheduled the kids visit for this weekend

**turtlens:** which intersects with the summerfest

**bestofliza:** Nooooo!!!

**saynotome:** dammit johnathan

**turtlens:** STOP CALLING ME JOHNATHAN THATS NOT EVEN MY NAME AND THATS NOT EVEN HOW YOU CORRECTLY SPELL JONATHAN

**A.Ham:** shut up johnathan

**turtlens:** a n y w a y

**turtlens:** we can all do something as a family tomorrow but today we're booked, and this isnt a bring your own kids event

**bestofliza:** Even if it was they'd hate it

**saynotome:** true

**A.Ham:** i broke the news to them at breakfast

**A.Ham:** they didnt seem to mind too much at least

**turtlens:** the problem is figuring out what THEY are gonna have to do all day

**A.Ham:** nah i got it

* * *

**A.Ham:** Burrowski

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes sir?

**A.Ham:** Call me Hamilton, it sounds cooler

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes, Hamilton?

**A.Ham:** Cool

**A.Ham:** Today is Summerfest and I need your help

**Kevin.Bski:** Of course sir, how can I assist you?

**A.Ham:** Can you look after the kids today?

**A.Ham:** Take em out for a walk if you want

**Kevin.Bski:** Of course sir

**Kevin.Bski:** Are you sure I can't help with anything else?

**A.Ham:** Yeah don't worry about it thanks

**A.Ham:** Have fun!

**A.Ham:** Try not to kill any empanadas while you're at it

* * *

**Kevin.Bski:** Well

**Kevin.Bski:** I have babysitting duty

**SusanSapien:** ayyy

**Theo_Away:** Can I hang out with you guys or something I'm bored

**Kevin.Bski:** I can pick you up on my way there

**Theo_Away:** Cool

**anglerfish:** Still can't believe our parents ditched us for summerfest or all things

**olderandbolder:** yea it's so lame

**Kevin.Bski:** It's a high profile, high security event that requires some of the most important people in New York City

**anglerfish:** Nerd

**SusanSapien:** if it's so important how come ur not there? 

**Kevin.Bski:**...

**Kevin.Bski:** Anyway

**Kevin.Bski:** What do you guys wanna do?

**ALilJunior:** me and james really just wanna stay inside and play video games so as long as there's power we're good

**anglerfish:** Are u gonna play minecraft lmao

**ALilJunior:** SHUT UP IT'S A GOOD GAME

**Theo_Away:** Jesus

**anglerfish:** Anyway if theo comes we can chill inside with susan

**SusanSapien:** Im actually busy doing some research so

**Theo_Away:** Let me guess: psychic powersssss

**olderandbolder:** spoopy ghoooosts

**anglerfish:** Government lizard peopleeee

**SusanSapien:** youre all lying if you dont think theres a possibility burr is actually a reptile

**Kevin.Bski:** @Theo_Away I'm outside

**Theo_Away:** Cool

**olderandbolder:** u use the word "cool" a lot now

**Theo_Away:** At least it's a complete word that's spelled correctly, unlike 90% of what you type

**anglerfish:** OOOOOOOOOOOOH

**SusanSapien:** ooo o o o o h

**ALilJunior:** ha get fucked

**anglerfish:** DON'T USE THAT LANGUAGE

**ALilJunior:** dont treat me like a baby angELICA

**Kevin.Bski:** So to summarize- you all just want to sit around inside and do nothing

**olderandbolder:** heeey what about me

**Kevin.Bski:** What do you want to do Philip?

**olderandbolder:** I wanna fight someone

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm afraid I can't let you do that

**olderandbolder:** u cant tell me what to do old man

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm 26

**olderandbolder:** you beat me by a decade

**Kevin.Bski:** Please stop making me feel old

**anglerfish:** Eh maybe we could go for a walk or something

**anglerfish:** You down for that theo?

**Theo_Away:** I honestly prefer to hang out with Susan just to see what crazy bullshit she writes next

**SusanSapien:** fuck off ur dad is a snake

**olderandbolder:** can i make the obious furry joke

**anglerfish:** N O

**anglerfish:**  Also junior and james are zombified by the video game so im assuming theyre gonna chill here

**olderandbolder:** what are they even playing?

**anglerfish:** How should i know??

**olderandbolder:** @ALilJunior @ALilJunior @ALilJunior @ALilJunior

**ALilJunior:** WHAAAAT

**olderandbolder:** what are u playing

**ALilJunior:** u couldnt stand up and walk to the living room to ask me that?

**olderandbolder:** nah

**ALilJunior:** Apocalypse of the Damned

**olderandbolder:** never heard of it

**ALilJunior:** NO ONE ASKED

**Kevin.Bski:** Woah that game is like, mega old

**Kevin.Bski:** Like, it was already a bit retro when I was a kid

**ALilJunior:** Yea i dont like old games but its the only one here so whatev

**Kevin.Bski:** : Do you guys wanna go for a walk in the park? It's either everyone goes out or everyone stays

**SusanSapien:** why?

**Kevin.Bski:** There's only one of me

**Theo_Away:** We're not going to like, die or anything

**Kevin.Bski:** Aren't you supposed to be the responsible one?

**Theo_Away:** The responsibility wears off when there's adults

**anglerfish:** Are you guys just texting each other inside the car

**Kevin.Bski:** yes

**SusanSapien:** wait kev aren't you driving??

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm only texting at the stops

**SusanSapien:** WHAT THE FUCK MAN NOT COOL

**Theo_Away:** Oh shit yeah what the hell I hadn't noticed

**olderandbolder:** whos not paying much attention to detail now?

**Theo_Away:** Fuck off, PIP

**Kevin.Bski:** We're here- what's it gonna be?

**anglerfish:** Let's go oooout

**SusanSapien:** do we gotta?

**anglerfish:** Just for a bit, and then we can come back and do nothing inside for the rest of the day

**anglerfish:** More productive and shit

**olderandbolder:** Yea let's goooo

**ALilJunior:**  yea whatever this game sucks anyway

**Kevin.Bski:** Hey it was pretty good for its time

**ALilJunior:** literally no one cares

**olderandbolder:** stop being an edgy piece of shit and let's g o

* * *

**commonavi:** ruben!!

**ruBen10:** Navi!!

**commonavi:** we need leche!!

**ruBen10:** Okay, do you want me to go get some?

**commonavi:** yes!!!

**ruBen10:** Okay!!!

**ruBen10:** Why the exclamation points?!

**commonavi:** i dunno

**ruBen10:** Alrighty

**ruBen10:** Any specific kind?

**commonavi:** whole is good!

**ruBen10:** Mkay

 

_ruBen10 has sent a photo_

 

**ruBen10:** Dude look

**commonavi:** are they all of alex's kids?

**ruBen10:** Pretty sure

**commonavi:** wow they are a lot

**ruBen10:** Yup

**commonavi:** !!

**ruBen10:** What?

**commonavi:** ASESINO DE EMPANADAS

**ruBen10:** Oh yeah Kevin the secret service guy

**commonavi:** a murderer

**ruBen10:** Didn't you guys just buy another empanada after?

**commonavi:** it's not the same ruben

**ruBen10:** Okay hamlet

**ruBen10:** Oh god they saw me

**ruBen10:** Heeeeeeelp

**commonavi:** oh snap

**commonavi:** you think alex told em about us yet?

**ruBen10:** They're yelling "dad" so my guess is no

**ruBen10:** THEY'RE RUNNING TOWARDS ME

**ruBen10:** IT'S LIKE A STAMPEDE

**commonavi:** I'M SENDING SONNY TO HELP HANG ON

* * *

**commonavi:** @sonnysin

**sonnysin:** sup

**commonavi:** GO HELP RUBEN

**sonnysin:** kay

**sonnysin:** where tho

**commonavi:** he was on his way to get leche before the ambush

**sonnysin:** ambush?? what the hell?

**commonavi:** JUST GO

**sonnysin:** im assumin he's the one in the middle of the herd of children

**commonavi:** ese mero

**sonnysin:** what am i supposed to do

**commonavi:** i dunno man gimme a scope of the situation

**sonnysin:** the kids are kinda talkin and him but talkin to each other at the same time

**sonnysin:** one of em said somethin about summerfest i think??

**sonnysin:** ruben looks like a deer in the headlights

**commonavi:** a seal in the headlights

**sonnysin:** ? whatever

**sonnysin:** and there's a dude standing nearby tryin to break through the swarm

**commonavi:** oh yeah he's a murderer

**sonnysin:** WHAT

**commonavi:** NADA SORRY IT WAS AN INSIDE JOKE

**commonavi:** go up to them and try to break up the circle i guess???

**commonavi:** how's it goin?

**commonavi:** is he free yet?

**sonnysin:** i chatted with the oldest one and got his number but that's about it

**commonavi:** what about pete??

**sonnysin:** im allowed to have friends, get ya head outta the gutter

**sonnysin:** also it looks like ruben's going along with it

**sonnysin:** he still looks like actual anxiety but he's tryin to talk back and laugh along

**commonavi:** do me a favor and gimme that number

* * *

**commonavi:** can you put on kevin please

**olderandbolder:** ?? who are you

**olderandbolder:** and how do you have my phone number?

**commonavi:** uh

**commonavi:** I cannot tell you how I got this phone number, that information is classified

**commonavi:** But I need you to put me in contact with Kevin right now, it is a matter of important stuff

**olderandbolder:** couldnt u just like

**olderandbolder:** get kevin's phone number magically like u got mine

**commonavi:** I can't talk to him through his phone

**commonavi:** It is being watched

**olderandbolder:** what

**commonavi:** Just pass me kevin please

**olderandbolder:** i'll do it if u tell me his last name

**commonavi:** uh

**commonavi:** Gonzalez?

**olderandbolder:** not even close

**commonavi:** dammit sorry look i'm a friend of your dad's, he hasn't told you about me yet but i swear it's true

**olderandbolder:** im like 5 seconds away from blocking ur number

**commonavi:** AH

 

_commonavi has sent a photo_

 

**commonavi:** this is me, this is my face, this is why i know ur dad, please put kevin on the phone

**olderandbolder:** Who is this?

**commonavi:** kevin?? it's usnavi

**commonavi:** you killed my empanada

**olderandbolder:** Oh right, hello

**olderandbolder:** What happened?

**commonavi:** that guy the kids are saying hi to isn't Alex so uh could you pls save him

**olderandbolder:** It's the other guy?

**commonavi:** ruben, yeah

**olderandbolder:** Oh whoops

**olderandbolder:** Okay thanks for letting me know

**commonavi:** this isn't the end of this

**olderandbolder:** What?

**commonavi:** karma will get you soon cabron, just you wait

**olderandbolder:** I am so confused

**commonavi:** s o o n

* * *

**ALilJunior:** it was fun running into dad today!

**anglerfish:** Told ya it was good to go outside

**SusanSapien:** he was acting kinda weird tho

**anglerfish:** Yea i agree

**olderandbolder:** @Kevin.Bski EXPLAIN

**Theo_Away:** ?

**Kevin.Bski:** Explain what?

**olderandbolder:** YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT

**anglerfish:** We need context, pip

 

_olderandbolder has sent a photo_

 

_olderandbolder has sent a photo_

 

**SusanSapien:** this is the kinda conspiracy screenshots i need in my life

**ALilJunior:** wtf kevin

**anglerfish:** Those texts are v cryptic

**Kevin.Bski:** Uuuuh

**Kevin.Bski:** Well I guess there's no other way around it

**Kevin.Bski:** You guys ready for some weird stuff?

**Kevin.Bski:** You're gonna love this @SusanSapien

**SusanSapien:** im listening

**Kevin.Bski:** Well

**Kevin.Bski:** Hamilton has two doppelgangers

**ALilJunior:** whats what?

**anglerfish:** it's like how uncle gil and jefferson look very similar

**ALilJunior:** oh yea

**ALilJunior:** so there's two ppl walking around that look exactly like my dad?

**Kevin.Bski:** Yup

**Kevin.Bski:** They're all friends, actually

**Kevin.Bski:** They've hung out a few times

**olderandbolder:** that's weird

**anglerfish:** That they hang out or that they look alike?

**olderandbolder:** idk both i guess

**anglerfish:** Well you DO look a lot like john

**olderandbolder:** psht, do not

**Theo_Away:** You kinda do

**anglerfish:** Anyw a y, where's susan?

**SusanSapien:** DOCUMENTING ALL THIS SHIT

**SusanSapien:** are there any pictures? beside the one in the screenshot i mean

**Kevin.Bski:** You'd have to ask Mr. Hamilton

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh god I just realized he probably wanted to tell you himself

**ALilJunior:**  wait so the guy we hung out with this afternoon wasnt dad, but some guy that looks identical to dad?

**olderandbolder:** apparently

**ALilJunior:** james says that's "cool as heck", end quote

**anglerfish:** Well then

**anglerfish:** Anyone hungry?

**Kevin.Bski:** Are you guys not more suprised?

**olderandbolder:** well i mean

**olderandbolder:** there's uncle gil and jefferson, like we mentioned

**anglerfish:** also uncle herc and Madison

**Theo_Away:** and Pip with John, the guy that's apparently banging your dad

**ALilJunior:** EW STOP

**olderandbolder:** homophobe

**olderandbolder:** but yeah stop i dont need to picture my dad having sex

**SusanSapien:** before u guys ruined the conversation i was gonna say that this is actually pretty cool but nope you ruined it

**SusanSapien:** so what should we eat

**SusanSapien:** maybe some

**SusanSapien:** rrramen?

**olderandbolder:** mmm yes gimme that sweet ramen

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh my god not this again

**Theo_Away:**  What?

**Kevin.Bski:** They keep teasing me about it

**anglerfish:** KEVIN HAS A RAMEN ADDICTION

**anglerfish:** LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

**ALilJunior:** he has like, a whole entire fridge FULL of microwaveable ramen

**Kevin.Bski:** I do NOT okay it is a section of the shared medium-sized fridge some of the secret service guys have back in D.C. and it's a perfectly normal amount of ramen to have okay

 

_anglerfish has sent a picture_

 

**anglerfish:** see the bottom part?

**anglerfish:** it's all his

**anglerfish:** kevin and his ramen

**Theo_Away:** Dude that is way too much ramen

**Kevin.Bski:** Let me live

**SusanSapien:** if u keep eating that much microwave ramen u wont be able to live much longer dude

**SusanSapien:** also was that just me or is the front door opening?

**olderandbolder:** PARENTS ARE HOME

**ALilJunior:** YAAAY

* * *

**A.Ham:** Burrowski

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes Mr. Hamilton?

**A.Ham:** Thank you for managing the kids for the day

**Kevin.Bski:** Not a problem sir

**Kevin.Bski:** It's not anything big

**Kevin.Bski:** Like guarding in Summerfest or anything

**A.Ham:** Hey can you pass me the salt, just launch yourself across the table and I'll be good thanks

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm very sorry Mr. Hamilton, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful

**A.Ham:** No, let it out, I wanna hear this

**Kevin.Bski:** Really, it's no big deal sir

**A.Ham:** Oh my god just spit it out

**Kevin.Bski:** Well um

**Kevin.Bski:** I joined the secret service because I wanted to protect people who deserved protecting

**Kevin.Bski:** But I feel like I'm being put on babysitting duty by everyone

**Kevin.Bski:** Instead of the big important jobs some of the other guys are getting

**A.Ham:** You've been assigned to protect me quite a few times though

**Kevin.Bski:** Yes but only when I was asked to by the president

**A.Ham:** Goddamnit

**A.Ham:** Well, that's fair and all but I'm gonna ask you a question

**A.Ham:** Are my children not people who deserve protecting?

**Kevin.Bski:** That is not at what I meant at all oh my god of course not

**Kevin.Bski:** I mean of course they're worth protecting double negatives are confusing

**Kevin.Bski:** When I said "people who deserved protecting" I meant, you know, people who do important stuff

**Kevin.Bski:** Not that your children don't do important things!! I didn't mean to say they're useless or anything

**A.Ham:** Burrowski, dude

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay I just re-read all of that and feel free to fire me. I would fire me.

**Kevin.Bski:** Please don't fire me

**A.Ham:** I'm not firing you

**Kevin.Bski:** Thank you

**A.Ham:** Don't mention it

**A.Ham:** There's a lot of people in the secret service. They're all very qualified for the job, and they do it efficiently.

**A.Ham:** But so far none of them excel at making easy conversation with a ten year old, or indulging conspiracy theories, or managing pretzel outings, or being in a group chat with multiple children

**A.Ham:** I love my children with all my heart, and I will only put those who I think are the best of the best to look after them. 

**A.Ham:** Do you understand?

**Kevin.Bski:** ... Yes sir.

**Kevin.Bski:** You do realize that then the same logic must apply to you and Potus?

**A.Ham:** Shut up and just let it happen

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh wait actually I should mention

**Kevin.Bski:** The kids know about the doppelganger situation

**A.Ham:** Ah well, it was gonna happen anyway

**A.Ham:** How'd they find out?

**Kevin.Bski:** I kinda told them

**A.Ham:** Why?

**Kevin.Bski:** They asked

**A.Ham:** ...

**A.Ham:** Eh fair enough

**Kevin.Bski:** You should know those ellipses are terrifying

**A.Ham:** ...

**A.Ham:** I like having this power

**A.Ham:** Get some rest Kevin

**Kevin.Bski:** You too sir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- "Madres" is an expression, usnavi isnt randomly saying the word "mothers" lmao  
> \- i just googled "nyc event" and summerfest showed up. in reality i have no idea what is is cause who needs accuracy  
> \- there are so many bmc references in this tbh  
> \- Alex Jr. is a twelve year old of course he plays minecraft  
> \- Kevin and ramen is the ultimate power couple  
> \- comments give me life


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ruBen10: Alex  
> ruBen10: How do you do it  
> A.Ham: ? do what  
> ruBen10: HANDLE LIFE WITHOUT YOUR KIDS  
> ruBen10: I only hung out with them for like, a DAY and I miss them??
> 
> Or, the kids go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- the last one is here (tm)  
> \- if you have any questions about these kiddos or kevin btw feel free to hit me up @marianara-sauce on tumblr i will be eternally grateful, i love talking abt them  
> \- srsly thank u EVERYONE for the positive response on this, i was lowkey nervous about making kevin a semi-important character in the fics but you all seem to like this boy as much as me so BLESS y'all are the best  
> \- hey if the timeline ever contradicts itself or doesnt make sense?? its cause i didnt plan jack shit feel free to call me out on it

**ALilJunior:** uuuugh i cant believe the weekend's over

**anglerfish:** Same

**Theo_Away:** I'm going to miss this

**olderandbolder:** aw look theo has emotions

**Theo_Away:** I meant that I'm going to miss not having to take care of you

**Theo_Away:** Because you're incompetent

**anglerfish:** Well that was close

**anglerfish:** Brb

**ALilJunior:** also philip pls dont tell pops that i stole his game

**Theo_Away:** I thought it was John's game?

**ALilJunior:** Yea

**ALilJunior:** but he's gonna be pissed if the only video game in the house is gone

**olderandbolder:** my lips are sealed

**Kevin.Bski:** I thought Apocalypse of the Damned was lame?

**ALilJunior:** eh it grew on me

**Theo_Away:** I wasn't the only one that heard that scream just now right

**anglerfish:** ANOTHER POINT FOR ANGIE

**ALilJunior:** DAMMIT I MISSED IT

**SusanSapien:** i ahate all ofb u

**Kevin.Bski:** You still have 30 minutes to get ready Susan

**SusanSapien:** grgetat ngtankls

**olderandbolder:** are you even writing in english right now

**SusanSapien:** nffjcuk iff plp

**Kevin.Bski:** No problem. Also don't say the f word, even when it's horribly misspelled

**ALilJunior:** how can you possibly decipher that

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm horrible in the mornings. You can only understand me because of autocorrect

**anglerfish:** Ah, always be aware of autocorrect

**Theo_Away:** Hey I'm curious

**Theo_Away:** What do you all think of the doppelgangers

**Kevin.Bski:** Ruben and Usnavi?

**ALilJunior:** ruben is so cool!!!!

**olderandbolder:** oh my god yes you wouldnt shut up about it

**SusanSapien:**  YES he knows all this cool SCIENCE STUFF HE RULES

**anglerfish:**  Usnavi is such a sweetheart tho

**olderandbolder:** also funny. he's a cool duder. weird at first but cool.

**Kevin.Bski:** I think he hates me

**Theo_Away:** "Duder"

**olderandbolder:** shut the fuck up theo

**Theo_Away:** Never

**Kevin.Bski:** Watch your flecking language

**Theo_Away:** Is that the closest you're ever gonna come to swearing?

**Kevin.Bski:** In front of all of you? Yes.

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay are you all awake and packed?

**olderandbolder:** yes mom

**Kevin.Bski:** ... What

**anglerfish:** OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT

**ALilJunior:** kevin is totally our mom guys

**SusanSapien:** momma kevin

**Kevin.Bski:** You guys already have like, three moms

**olderandbolder:** yea, eliza, maria, and you

**Kevin.Bski:** I was gonna say the third one is Theodosia

**olderandbolder:** OH SHIT

**olderandbolder:** @Theo_Away GET FUCKED

**Kevin.Bski:** I meant Theodosia senior

**olderandbolder:** youre no fun

**Theo_Away:** Shut up and get in the car you dick

**olderandbolder:** lay off shithead

**SusanSapien:** you guys miiight wanna tone it down soon

**olderandbolder:** dont tell me how to live SUSAN

 

_JamesNotLame has joined that chat_

 

**JamesNotLame:** I HAVE A CELLPHONE NOW

**ALilJunior:** yaaaay!

**olderandbolder:** oh darn

**anglerfish:** hey bro

**Theo_Away:** WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW LET'S GOOO

* * *

**ruBen10:** Alex

**A.Ham:** ye

**ruBen10:** How do you do it

**A.Ham:** ? do what

**ruBen10:** HANDLE LIFE WITHOUT YOUR KIDS

**ruBen10:** I only hung out with them for like, a DAY

**ruBen10:** And I miss them?? Like?¿¿

**A.Ham:** SAME

**commonavi:** kids are the best

**A.Ham:** you guys ever think about kids?

**commonavi:** i considered it, but vanessa isn't really about that

**commonavi:** i think i'd rather be like my abuela, guarding over the whole barrio

**A.Ham:** aw that's sweet

**A.Ham:**  what about u, ruben?

**ruBen10:** I like kids as like, an abstract

**ruBen10:** I dunno

**ruBen10:** I'd be a cool uncle, but I don't think I really want to be a parent

**ruBen10:** I do wanna start getting plants though

**commonavi:** oooh no me diga

**ruBen10:** Is that okay?

**commonavi:** oh yeah totally wey

**commonavi:** me and sonny can't keep plants alive at all though

**commonavi:** so it's all on you

**ruBen10:** Hahaha that's fine

**A.Ham:** plus you guys can be the weird-cool identical uncles to my kids

**A.Ham:** kevin says they already love you

**commonavi:** :D

**ruBen10:** Aw yeah, they were great

**commonavi:** hey guys?

**A.Ham:** what?

**commonavi:** identical butts

**ruBen10:** OH my god s t o p hahaha

**A.Ham:**  USNAVI PLE AASSWKJ

* * *

**olderandbolder:** home sweet home

**Theo_Away:** Poor mom, she has to deal with everyone's shit now

**anglerfish:** STOP SWEARING JAMES IS HERE NOW

**JamesNotLame:** haha no its ok!! I wont say any of the bad words to our parents i swear

**anglerfish:** You better

**ALilJunior:** @JamesNotLame cmon lets play i found a cool server

**JamesNotLame:** ok!

**SusanSapien:** i missed the stable wifi tbh

**anglerfish:** Yeah that sucked over there tbh

**Kevin.Bski:**  Okay, everyone's safe and sound

**olderandbolder:** congrats kev ya did ur job

**Kevin.Bski:** Have fun (but not oo much fun) and please don't do anything illegal.

 

_Kevin.Brski has left the chat_

 

**anglerfish:** The fuck

**olderandbolder:** BITCH!!

 

_olderandbolder has added Kevin.Bski to the chat_

 

**olderandbolder:** where tf do u think ur going

**Kevin.Bski:** This is your groupchat? You added me for pretzels and I stayed out of convenience throughout the trip

**Kevin.Bski:** You're back now so, there's no point in me staying here

**SusanSapien:** wow okay thanks for nothing fucker

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm confused??

**anglerfish:** Dude like

**anglerfish:** Ur basically our friend now

**Theo_Away:** Angie have a point

**Theo_Away:** We bonded or whatever

**olderandbolder:** "or whatever"

**olderandbolder:** but yea kev wtf you cant get rid of us that easy

**anglerfish:** We wont hold u hostage or anything but dont feel like u have to leave!

**Kevin.Bski:**  I'm

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay

**Kevin.Bski:** I guess??

**Kevin.Bski:** I wasn't expecting this

**olderandbolder:**  shut up and accept our love

**SusanSapien:** hes just staying cause u guys guilttripped him he thinks we're annoying

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm not staying here by force, and you're not annoying

**Kevin.Bski:** You're all like, crazy smart anyway, I couldn't get away with lying if I tried

**SusanSapien:** you better not be lying burrowski

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm not! I promise

**anglerfish:**  Wow i can't believe that we all became closer because pip decided he wanted pretzels

**SusanSapien:** thanks, pip

 

_olderandbolder has changed their name to "pretzel.pip"_

 

**pretzel.pip:** alright alright alright

**pretzel.pip:** OH BTW

**pretzel.pip:** permission to add someone temporarily?

**SusanSapien:** sure

**anglerfish:** Knock yourself out

 

_pretzel.pip has added sonnysin to the chat_

 

**sonnysin:** sup

**SusanSapien:** hey hey

**Theo_Away:** Who are you?

**pretzel.pip:** oh ya i gave no introduction lol

**sonnysin:** name's Sonny

**anglerfish:** I'd say nice to meet you but i know literally nothing else about u

**pretzel.pip:** he's the kid that i was talkin to that first day when we ran into ruben but we thought he was dad

**Theo_Away:** Oooh yeah I remember

**SusanSapien:** gay

**sonnysin:** i actually have a bf so

**pretzel.pip:** aaand im not gay

**SusanSapien:** what abt the dude at the 7/11 u were gushing abt

**anglerfish:** WHAT

**Theo_Away:** This is new information

**pretzel.pip:** 1) he gave me a generous pour and i love slushies 2) did you s e e him

**SusanSapien:** fair

**SusanSapien:** but also gay

**anglerfish:** This is riveting tbh but regardless of that pip is still the straightest out of all of us

**Theo_Away:** I estimate about 90% straight

**pretzel.pip:** moving on

**pretzel.pip:** sonny seemed like a cool dude so i brought him in here for all of u to assess

**sonnysin:** aight then

**sonnysin:** also my cousin said he probably freaked u out with his texts so sorry abt givin him ur number w/o asking lol

**sonnysin:** it was a bit of an emergency situation cause u were all hoardin marcado

**pretzel.pip:** THATS HOW HE GOT MY NUMBER??

**anglerfish:** USNAVI IS YOUR COUSIN??

**sonnysin:** yes and yes

**sonnysin:** sorry that he weirded u out like that

**pretzel.pip:** we talked it out later lol it's fine

**sonnysin:** also he still has it out against that kevin dude

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh my god

**anglerfish:** What why?? i didnt kno they even knew each other

**sonnysin:** apparently navi and alex were hangin out one day and kev was chilling with them cause alex and the secret service and everythin. anyway navi offered alex an empanada and kevin smacked it outta his hands out of instinct and to this day usnavi is still upset

**anglerfish:** OH MY GOD

**SusanSapien:** HOLY SHIIIIIT

**pretzel.pip:** KEVIN WTF

**Kevin.Bski:** STOP JUDGING ME

**Kevin.Bski:** They looked really similar and all I saw was one of them giving the other something and I panicked

**Theo_Away:**  This is hilarious

**SusanSapien:** IM CRYING

**SusanSapien:** what did they say right after

**Kevin.Bski:** Usnavi looked at the empanada in shock and Mr. Hamilton said, quote unquote, "What the hell kevin, there's not gonna be a nuke in a freaking pastry"

**pretzel.pip:** that doesnt sound like dad

**Kevin.Bski:** There were some f words substituted in there

**pretzel.pip:** that sounds more like dad

**anglerfish:** I cant believe u did that again kevin jfc

**sonnysin:** again?

**anglerfish:** One time on a school trip a classmate of mine offered me a bit of pretzel, so Kevin straight up grabbed it and threw it across the street

**Kevin.Bski:** Okay listen

**SusanSapien:** I DJDHSAKJ

**pretzel.pip:** kevin is so eXTRA

**sonnysin:** lol

**anglerfish:** Well overall i approve

**Theo_Away:** Me too

**sonnysin:** cool

**sonnysin:** im gonna have to head out soon anyway, bodega shift starts in 5 min

**Kevin.Bski:** You work at the bodega too?

**sonnysin:** yea

**sonnysin:** i have my fun

**Kevin.Bski:** How?

**sonnysin:** sometimes i stack the beers, the condoms, and the baby formula in sucession

**Theo_Away:** Oh my god

**SusanSapien:** okay i approve

**anglerfish:** Legendary

**pretzel.pip:** lmaooo

**sonnysin:** anyway, bye guys, nice to meet u

**Kevin.Bski:** Goodbye

**pretzel.pip:** laters

 

_sonnysin has left the chat_

 

**anglerfish:** @pretzel.pip i still cant believe youre like 10% gay

**Theo_Away:** I'm still the gayest

**SusanSapien:** you are tbh

**anglerfish:** Theo, a gay icon

 

_Theo_Away has changed their name to "Theo_gaycon"_

 

**anglerfish:**  Nice

**pretzel.pip:** Angie, a questioning icon

**anglerfish:** Dont expose me like this

**SusanSapien:** what about you, kevin?

**Kevin.Bski:** Uh

**Kevin.Bski:** Kevin, an aro icon

**SusanSapien:** can i ask what that is

**Kevin.Bski:** You know what crushes are?

**SusanSapien:** yup

**Kevin.Bski:** I've never had them

**SusanSapien:** oooh ok

**Theo_gaycon:**  Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet?

**pretzel.pip:** dude

**anglerfish:** Dude

**SusanSapien:** dude

**Theo_gaycon:** What?

**pretzel.pip:** not cool

**SusanSapien:** i learned about this 3 seconds ago and even i kno whats not cool

**Theo_gaycon:** What, it's a fair question, right?

**anglerfish:** It's the equivalent "Maybe you just haven't met the right boy yet?"

**Theo_gaycon:** Oh

**Theo_gaycon:** Shit

**Theo_gaycon:** I'm sorry @Kevin.Bski I suck

**Kevin.Bski:** You don't suck, you're all just kids

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm surprised those two were even familiar with the term honestly

**Kevin.Bski:** But apology accepted

**Theo_gaycon:** I get why my dad doesn't share opinions, I feel terrible right now

**pretzel.pip:** well, to be fair, i dont think your dad even HAS opinions

**Kevin.Bski:** The good thing about sharing opinions is that you mature and grow from them, and you can learn from these experiences. That's what really matters.

**Kevin.Bski:** Really please don't feel bad Theo, you apologized. It's all good, really.

**Theo_gaycon:** Okay

**anglerfish:** Plus to be fair, your household isnt as not-normal as ours

**SusanSapien:** yeah we have like, 4 parents

**Theo_gaycon:** Ha yeah

**Theo_gaycon:** And I have two

**Theo_gaycon:** Right now

**SusanSapien:** oh shit sorry i shouldnt have brought it up

**Kevin.Bski:** What is it?

**anglerfish:** Theo's mom is sick

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm sorry

**Theo_gaycon:** It's okay

**pretzel.pip:** u didnt know?

**Kevin.Bski:** No

**Kevin.Bski:** Also why are they sending you all to stay with her if she's sick?

**anglerfish:** It's really just white house people taking care of us tbh

**anglerfish:** And Theo's mom is mostly just

**anglerfish:** There

**Theo_gaycon:** Can we change the subject

**pretzel.pip:** junior is apparently into musical theatre now

**Kevin.Bski:** Really?

**anglerfish:** Yeah we watched Newsies while we were in ny and it was LIT

**SusanSapien:** you finally have someone to gush with, congrats angie

**anglerfish:** Heathers is my fave

**Kevin.Bski:** I'm more into Book of Mormon

**anglerfish:** Cause you share the character's first name?

**Kevin.Bski:** Kinda, but overall it's fucking hilarious

**pretzel.pip:** KEVIN SWORE

**SusanSapien:** ooooh

**Kevin.Bski:** Oh shit

**Kevin.Bski:** NO

**Kevin.Bski:** I need to be stopped

**anglerfish:** rip kevin burrowski

* * *

 

_sonnysin has sent an image_

 

**sonnysin:**  so apparently empanadas arent his only victim

**commonavi:** ASESINO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- pls do not hate on my girl theo i love her and theyre all kids, let them make mistakes and learn from them PLS  
> \- im so sorry james u were barely there fdjhfdj  
> \- also theo's mom was supposed to already have passed away but i forgot and id already mentioned her in another fic so WHOOPS  
> \- wow i cant believe that theo is a gay icon!! amazing  
> \- wow i cant believe how much i love kevin, my aro boy!! incredible  
> \- y'all are gonna fucking d i e with the next fic i can tell, but it might be a while before it goes up cause i wanna focus on my art, yo (also im gonna watch spiderman: homecoming again cause it's the best)  
> \- if u comment i will cry real tears, have a good day aaah

**Author's Note:**

> \- hi i love kevin burrowski  
> \- i also love all of the hamilkids (+theo)  
> \- i love all of these characters ok  
> \- this shit is gonna have like, three character arcs idk why im like this  
> \- also there is barely any ruben/usnavi/alex in this. yknow, the ppl this series is based on  
> \- i just made a spinoff fic of my own series holy shit  
> \- if you comment i will treasure it forever


End file.
